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More or Less Maddy by Lisa Genova

Contemporary fiction

More or Less Maddy

by Lisa Genova

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Quick take

After an unexpected mental health diagnosis, a college student navigates what it means to feel more or less herself.

Good to know

  • Illustrated icon, Emotional

    Emotional

  • Illustrated icon, Heavy_Read

    Heavy read

  • Illustrated icon, Social_Issues

    Social issues

  • Illustrated icon, NYC

    NYC

Synopsis

Maddy Banks is just like any other stressed-out freshman at NYU. Between schoolwork, exams, navigating life in the city, and a recent breakup, it’s normal to be feeling overwhelmed. It doesn’t help that she’s always felt like the odd one out in her picture-perfect Connecticut family. But Maddy’s latest low is devastatingly low, and she goes on an antidepressant. She begins to feel good, dazzling in fact, and she soon spirals high into a wild and terrifying mania that culminates in a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

As she struggles to find her way in this new reality, navigating the complex effects bipolar has on her identity, her relationships, and her life dreams, Maddy will have to figure out how to manage being both too much and not enough.

Content warning

This book contains scenes that depict attempted suicide, suicidal ideation, and self harm.

Free sample

Get an early look from the first pages of More or Less Maddy.

More or Less Maddy

CHAPTER 1

Maddy stares at the ceiling fan above her. The blades look cheap. The base is modest. The ceiling is much too high anyway. How would she even get up there? Only a few hours ago, she would’ve been able to invent a spectacular solution, some elaborate scaffolding or a flying trapeze. She was a gifted genius who could transform into whatever the situation called for—architect, engineer, acrobat.

Now look at her.

Even if she had a ladder handy and that fan could hold the weight of her long enough to break her neck and choke off her air supply, she doesn’t possess the energy it would take to rig a noose out of a belt or scarf or a pair of leggings. She can’t even get up to pee.

The fan isn’t centered above the bed. Or the bed isn’t centered below the fan. Either way, the asymmetry annoys her. She laughs on the inside, a moment of relief, loving the irony. Asymmetry bothers her. That’s funny.

A steady stream of frigid air blasts from a vented panel in the corner of the ceiling onto her naked body, making her unbearably cold. Her skin looks like raw chicken. The top sheet and comforter lie in a heap on the floor at the foot of the bed. The thermostat is on the other side of the room. It might as well be in Connecticut.

She feels a stretch of flaky film on the inside of her right thigh, a sticky, damp sheet under her bottom. What was his name again? No idea. Is he still here? She quiets her breathing and listens for sounds of life coming from the bathroom or living room. She hears the air-conditioning and her heart throbbing in her ears and nothing else.

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New and recent add-ons
View all
The House of My Mother
We Could Be Rats
A Sea of Unspoken Things
What Happened to the McCrays?
Water Moon
The Stolen Queen
Playworld
More or Less Maddy
Most Wonderful
Rental House
I Might Be in Trouble
A Home for the Holidays
Where the Library Hides
Is She Really Going Out With Him?
The Courting of Bristol Keats